Rethinking Love and the Relationships We Choose
A Conversation with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
Love is supposed to feel natural.
Effortless.
Instinctive.
Something you just… fall into.
At least, that’s what most people are taught.
But if that were true -
why do so many relationships fall apart?
Why do people keep repeating the same patterns?
Why does something that’s supposed to feel right… feel so complicated?
In my conversation with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh, we explored a perspective that challenges everything most people believe about love:
Love isn’t something you find.
It’s something you design.
Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh is a social psychologist and relational psychotherapist whose work focuses on how people build, sustain, and understand human connection.
Who is Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh?
Known as a “relationship architect,” she brings together research, clinical experience, and cultural insight to help individuals and couples design more intentional, fulfilling relationships.
Her work spans from deeply personal spaces - working with individuals and couples—to global stages, advising organizations and institutions on human connection, communication, and relational dynamics.
She is also the author of Love by Design, a research-backed framework that challenges the idea that love is accidental - and instead shows how it can be intentionally created.
From Curiosity to Clarity
Before becoming a globally recognized relationship expert, Dr. Sara’s journey started with a simple—but deeply personal question:
“Why do some relationships work… and others don’t?”
Growing up, she was exposed early to the uncertainty of relationships.
“Marriage is like a watermelon… you don’t know what you’re getting until you’re in it.”
That idea didn’t sit right with her.
So instead of accepting it, she became curious.
She started asking people:
Are you happy?
Why does your relationship work?
Why doesn’t it?
Over time, patterns began to emerge.
And that curiosity eventually became her life’s work.
The Problem With How We Approach Love
One of the biggest takeaways from this conversation:
Most people approach love passively.
They:
wait for the right person
rely on chemistry
hope things will “just work out”
But according to Dr. Sara, that mindset is exactly what leads to disappointment.
Because real, sustainable relationships aren’t built on chance.
They’re built on:
intention
awareness
and effort
Love isn’t just a feeling - it’s a series of choices and behaviors.
Chemistry vs. Harmony
One of the most eye-opening parts of the conversation was the distinction between what people think matters - and what actually does.
For example:
Many people prioritize:
instant chemistry
intense attraction
emotional highs
But rarely do they consider something more important:
Harmony
Dr. Sara often contrasts chemistry with harmony - the ability to feel grounded, aligned, and at ease with someone over time.
Not everything that feels intense is right -
and not everything that feels calm is wrong.
Chemistry vs. Attraction
Many people chase what feels immediate.
But Dr. Sara makes a critical distinction:
Sexual chemistry is biological—and often fleeting
Attraction, when built intentionally, becomes a renewable energy
Which means what starts strong doesn’t always last—
and what grows slowly can become something much deeper.
Why People Keep Getting Hurt in Dating
Another major theme:
People don’t fail in relationships because they don’t want love.
They fail because they don’t understand:
themselves
their patterns
or what they actually need
Dr. Sara emphasizes the importance of knowing:
your triggers
your sensitivities
your emotional patterns
“You need to know the quirks, pet peeves, and sensitivities you carry.”
Because if you don’t—
You bring those into every relationship…
and unconsciously recreate the same outcomes.
The Role of Agency in Love
This is where her concept of being a “relationship architect” comes in.
At its core:
You have more control over your relationships than you think.
Not control in the sense of forcing outcomes—
but in how you:
show up
choose
and build
“There is something to be designed in your relational space.”
Meaning:
Love isn’t random.
It’s something you actively create.
A Different Way to Think About Love
One of the most powerful reframes from this conversation:
Being single isn’t failure.
“You’re driving in an uncertain climate… you’re just slowing down to find your way.”
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re learning.
You’re refining.
You’re becoming more aware of what actually works for you.
So What Actually Makes a Relationship Work?
Not perfection.
Not constant excitement.
But:
alignment
effort placed intentionally
emotional awareness
and shared vision
Because effort alone isn’t enough -
it’s where you place that effort that determines whether a relationship grows or breaks.
Because at the end of the day:
Love isn’t something that happens to you.
It’s something you participate in.
One-on-One
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One-on-One |
Watch the Full Conversation with Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh
In this conversation, we go deeper into:
what healthy love actually looks like
the biggest misconceptions in modern dating
and how to build relationships that are sustainable
This isn’t just about dating.
It’s about understanding how to create
the kind of connection most people are searching for.
